And we’re back…
Yes, it’s been a while, I
wrote many things to others, mostly not so happy, slightly cynical, usually
depressing.
This will be different, (I
hope it will…).
I will try to keep to the basics
and work my rusty way back, I admit my fingers and knuckles make weird crunch
noises as I write due to lack of use, therefore I shall take advantage of all
the past material I missed on (think of it as some retro-collection of the
entire season, it’s presented as something new, but actually they give you lots
of crap with some new shots of the cast).
And now, like in boot camp, I
shall refer to you all, one at a time, you shall rise and take your punishment
like men (except for faggy, he’ll take it as a woman for a change…).
A riddle: what’s small,
stringy and takes months to make?
Yes, a miniature!!!
Did you know most people
finish campaigns before Yoav make one (“yes, I’ll make one for next week”) I
bet you’d be howling away if someone else was in charge of that and it was your
bar-mitzvah of a character who’d enjoy a representation as a troll! What
happened to you anyway? Did the Gorby stains get too deep? Are they in fact
liver stains? Don’t get me started on the New Year’s when you went to hear the
boats… was it like in private parts when the horny lady sat on the speaker and
enjoyed the vibrations? I have a feeling some of the ships were defiled…
Now what is it about you and
Mrs. Wrong? First was nicotine Ed, which made me think how weird is it for
someone to enjoy the misery (I realized it all when I met your mother…) then
the airhead goth (what did you expect???). Ok, about the game, I remember when
I decided to drop Galdriel, Eyal said I wasn’t much of a role-player, something
went wrong, a few of the major persona traits were gone and missing, last
session I realized what happened, I got tired of arguing about something as
stupid as a matter of opinions for hours with you, when it was obvious we were
getting nowhere (and I do recall one occasion on which you seemed reluctant to
argue about faction philosophy or something like that when it was a key part of
the adventure and campaign), I’ll be gentle, stop trying to stretch the “I
disagree” part so much, it’s annoying to a point where I don’t enjoy the game,
when two characters reach a dead end in their discussion, the players should
state something like “I bug you about it for a year” or do something new. It’s
like being a DM who describes a year’s journey, day by day when all you do is
walk and see trees (oh, wait a minute, I think we’re getting to the bottom of
this…), do you see a problem here? Don’t you find it a little pathetic that we
waste so much game time for something without a point? Will it stop? Pah! I
don’t care…
Modron, my little isle of
passive behavior… “Did anyone read my story?” “I’m really bummed I might miss a
game…” next thing you’ll apologize for marching…
If this shall happen again,
just think about neuro being whipped for a year and build some spine (in other
words, go yell at faggy yourself).
Now, what is it with the
grapes (greptz?) guvner my ass, but even sensates don’t try swallowing puke so
many times…
I think it’s a matter of time
before modron starts talking about the lady and dope parties (a regular Joe
dealer)…
Don’t think you can escape
the lash from the past, do you remember December 12th? Need a clue?
Balcony…
What’s nice and neat,
marching and striding, highly intelligent; yet stupid enough to try and out
drink bender?
Here’s a little song for you
modron (sing to the ho down music from whose line is it anyway)
I went to this party
I had a lot to drink
All of my friends were there
I don’t remember but I think…
After the toilette I hugged
To stop drinking I decide
I heard with my bile it was
clogged
Now I march with pride.
Yea, I know it was better
before, I’m eyalizing (getting tipsy on a single drink), so leave me be…
Bender.
Where do I begin?
I think I’m about to burst my
site limits with you…
First of all, how is your one
true love? It’s great to know some things are meant to be, just the thought of
you and Tamar makes my eyes water…
And to think it was love
almost at first site, that she tolerates each and every bender theme noise
(Microsoft themes plus – bender theme – now that is a scary thought) I’m just
happy for you (sad for her, but happy for you).
What do you mean it’s over?
You’re serious? Breaking up with the one who made you give up on all of your
flings and made you true? Me? No, I won’t touch her with a glove approved by
Gorby Inc…
You stupid, stupid man of a
worm…
Food issues are vast; I’d
like to remind everyone how nice it is to find crabs (a-la Eskimo lemon films)
in the soup…
Game wise, I noticed you get
jealous from time to time, you think my characters are always too powerful,
well, now you’re wearing the Galdriel bunny slippers, (a new character… Gasp!)
You shall soon see what it feels like to stand in the front with an
overwhelming blow yet hardly enough HP to fend off goblins…
Beware the wrath of faggy…
I pity you; I think a major
part of the game for you is lost… I mean, what now? Will you be jealous of my
powerful spells? The vast knowledge?
Well, I’m still rooting for
you (and your quest for true love…).
Hadish,
as always, no writing material at all, abso-fucking-lutly nothing…
Do
you live at all? Where are the wild days when you took apathy/senile (when it
came to names) to an art form???
Look
at you now, forming the unholy alliance of the worm with bender…
You
were doing better when you ate mould from the symphonia box (although, I think
the signs were all there… the writing was on the wall, if it eats like a
bender…).
Faggy,
yes, I know, you were pissed, it’s hard to run a campaign with all the noise,
why don’t you do what you do best (no, I’m not talking about janga) and pace
yourself? Everyone were quite ecstatic to play after such a long time, you
forget it’s a socializing thing for us as well (and yes, we’re all so sorry for
the lost party that was gone forever – oh wait, it’s Tuesday, three more days
to the next one…).
I’d
like to dedicate a song for you as well…
I’ll
translate for all those who experience Hebrew as a modron reacts to alcohol…
It’s
a medley by Jeremy Kaplan and the flowers (Duh?!?)
“This
Screwball”
…I’m
in a crisis so don’t tell me to handle it
I
want to settle down…
…This
screwball do you good…
“Measuring”
…When
you measure, measure, measure how much I give
When
you measure, measure, measure how much I give
When
you measure, measure, measure how much I give
Look
what I give then decide how much you give me back…
…Shanananananananana…
“Gali”
…Come
on Gali come on and tell me where is the sweet laughter from…
“Lie
and Forget”
…You
will see one step
You
will go one step
You
will fall from one step
Lie
and forget
Fuck
and run away…
“Picking” (my personal favorite, if only for the
title)
…Picking
and not in my own
Look
what it does to me
Picking
and not in my own
Look
how good it is for me…
I
know it’s all very blurry, I bet there will be no questions by Thursday…
I
will now conclude with a short pronunciation lesson.
On
numerous occasions and events (for bender, more than anyone else) you acquire a
new name to remember and use, these names are sometimes written and pronounced
differently.
Lesson
1:
“Thasias
Iron-Ker” - pronounced “Dwarf, I don’t care” (Pah,
I don’t care about you humans either!).
“Lyren” -
pronounced “Liar” (the ‘n is silent).
“Chirsnia” -
pronounced “…” (hey, it’s Hadi, it’s silent).
“MadMardigan” - pronounced
the same way as Morpheus is pronounced.
“Morpheus” -
pronounced “bender” (acts the same as well).
“Faggy” - pronounced
“damn, I wanted to go to that party, and now I’ll stay home for a month and I
shall die, no one will care and you geeks with no social life don’t understand
the sacrifice I give for the likes of you when I can be shagging my blond all
over Misha…” (continue till you cry yourself to sleep or simply pronounced
Jeremy…)
And
now for the tender part of the site, the morals we learn…
Bad Idea
Having
the Lucky experience (YKB IV, Gorby Vs Dog…)
Worse Idea
Having
the one, true love, relationship with faggy (Janga!)
Worst Idea
Having
a relationship with Gorby (Ships? On a new year? What’you talking’bout
Gorby?!?”)
As Bad as it gets
Having
anything to do with bender (true love my ass… err… faggy’s ass!)
Good Idea
Having a normal haircut.
Bad Idea
Having
a hair due that “sings, sings, sings”…
Worse Idea
Having
a hair due that makes people call you Ben-Ladden…
Worst Idea
A
Jeremy Kaplan hair due (DUH…)